Sunday, October 31, 2010

Yes, She's Running for Reelection

    Try Crest White Strips, you stupid moron
    Olympia WA. Nov 1 2010. Patty Murray, arguably the stupidest person in the USA today, is running for reelection to the Senate in Washington State.

    Murray has been elected three times to the U.S. Senate and is seeking a fourth term. This just shows you that while Murray may be a complete idiot, the people who vote for her are even dumber.

    In December 2002, while speaking to students at Colombia River High School in Vancouver Murray made a number of remarks about Osama bin Laden, as she attempted to explain why the US had such problems winning hearts and minds in the Muslim world, and how bin Laden had garnered support among some in the Middle East.

    Among other things, she had stated that bin Laden has:  

    "been out in these countries for decades, building schools, building roads, building infrastructure, building daycare facilities, building health care facilities, and the people are extremely grateful. He's made their lives better. We have not done that." 

    Yes, it's true. This total idiot thought that Osama bin Laden was building schools, hospitals and day care facilities... so that Taliban women could drop their kids off on their way to their jobs.

    If Murray had any brains at all she would have known that Taliban women are not permitted to leave the house, let alone have jobs and need day care facilities. No one else can find any evidence of bin Laden doing all these humanitarian activities.

    Odds are Ms. Murray confused bin Laden, the global terrorist, with Mother Teresa, Nobel Prize winner and currently en route to Sainthood. She currently has one miracle on her record when she cured a woman's stomach tumor. A second miracle is required for her to proceed to canonization.

    A simple mistake? Did Murray confuse the global terrorist with the woman who spent her whole life serving the poor and the lepers? Or, is she really this stupid?

    Odds are, the voters in Washington will reelect her.
    Because they admire anyone with this much chutzpah.Source URL:
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President Obama Asks New Black Panthers to serve as Poll Watchers

    Washington DC, Nov 1, 2010. President Obama announced today that he was requesting that the New Black Panthers assist  as poll watchers for tomorrow's Congressional Elections.

    "It is vital that these elections are allowed to proceed fairly and democratically, and without any interference from those Tea Bagging Thugs like Sarah Palin, Glen Beck, or Sean Hannity," the President told reporters gathered on the White House lawn today.

    "To keep this election honest I am requesting that the New Black Panthers dispatch poll watchers to assure that there will be no tampering by Jeb Bush, Katherine Harris, or the U.S. Supreme Court, like there was in the 2000 election," he said.

    "The New Black Panthers, or Citizens Militia as I prefer to call them, will have full authority to administer swift justice whenever they discover any improprieties and suspicious behavior,"  the President said.

    "We have had reports of dangerous activities by white hate groups like the Tea Baggers, The Republican Party, and Fox News," the President went on to say, "and the New Black Panthers have my full faith and confidence in their ability to keep this election honest."

    A spokesperson for ACORN, Moeisha Williams-Rodgers told us "criminals like Glen Beck and Sarah Palin must be prevented from disrupting our democratic process."
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Coming Attractions for November!

    by Anna Campbell

    Wow, November is rockin' in the lair! We've shipped in extra cabana boys to cope with the extra strain on the bar!

    We've got guests and giveaways galore and not one, but TWO infamous launch parties (yeah, you can see why we need extra staff!).

    And don't forget, if you click on any of the covers, you go straight to Amazon!

    First cab off the rank (such an elegant cab - clearly a Jaguar!) is fabulous historical romance author Sarah MacLean who will be my guest on Tuesday, 2nd November.

    Sarah burst onto the historical romance scene this year with her fantabulous NINE RULES TO BREAK WHEN ROMANCING A RAKE. She's visiting us to talk about her November book TEN WAYS TO BE ADORED WHEN LANDING A LORD. Love the titles, Sarah!

    Sarah is a load of fun (and she's doing a giveaway) so don't miss her visit.

    On November 3rd, Jessica Andersen returns as the newest installment in the Nightkeepers saga launches. BLOOD SPELLS is Patience and Brandt's story. In their honor, Jessica will discuss "After the HEA" with us. She may also have a Big Surprise for us.

    On 4th November, Caridad Pineiro visits the Banditas to celebrate the publication of her 25th release – STRONGER THAN SIN from Grand Central Publishing. This is the second in Caridad's Sin series. We like a bit of sin in the lair so that should be huge fun!

    On Friday, 5th November, a dear friend of mine Emily May (who also writes brilliant fantasy romance as Emily Gee) will be here to talk about her latest Regency romance, THE UNMASKING OF A LADY. Emily is coming to the lair all the way from New Zealand and she'll be talking about her two identities and giving away a signed copy of her book.

    On 9th November, Nancy will host Julie Kenner/J.K. Beck in the lair. Julie is here to talk about her latest series of vampire romances, WHEN BLOOD CALLS, WHEN PLEASURE RULES and especially her latest release WHEN WICKED CRAVES. Sounds like something the Banditas and their Buddies can get their teeth into! Oh, I do love the chance for a good meaty vampire joke!

    On November 11th we have the lovely Donna Grant talking to us about her fabulous, pulse-pounding paranormal Scottish historical Dark Sword series. Her latest release is WICKED HIGHLANDER - ooh, I can see myself being wicked with him!

    Aussie contemporary romance author Kandy Shepherd returns to the lair on Tuesday, 16th November, to talk about her wonderful new book HOME IS WHERE THE BARK IS. People who loved LOVE IS A FOUR-LEGGED WORD will adore this story about an FBI agent who gets involved unwillingly in a doggy daycare center. Kandy will be doing a giveaway!

    On the 20th November, we have the first of our Bandita launches for the month. RITA winner and one of my favorite authors Beth Andrews lets her latest release A MARINE FOR CHRISTMAS loose in the lair. Swing by for mayhem and margaritas.

    Here's the blurb:

    It’s a wonderful life…?

    Growing up in her perfect sister’s shadow wasn’t easy. Especially because JC Montgomery had been in love with Liz’s boyfriend for as long as she could remember. Brady Sheppard, a a guy who thought of her as only the kid sister. But that all changed when Liz married somebody else and Brady ended up in bed with JC! It was like a dream come true.

    Except now JC’s pregnant. And Brady’s a wounded marine, so it’s going to be difficult for him to get down on one knee and tell her she’s his reason for living…But he will. Because she still believes in Santa Claus.

    For 21st November we have a delicious treat for all you historical lovers. Delightful debut author Kieran Kramer is chatting with us about her Impossible Bachelor series. WHEN HARRY MET MOLLY, the first instalment in the series, hits the shelves this month.

    To finish the month (11/30), we have another fabulous Bandita release to celebrate (oh, my poor aching cabana boys!). Tawny Weber's novella A BABE IN TOYLAND is out from Blaze in an anthology called IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE MISTLETOE... (Yeah, right!).

    Here's the blurb:

    They’re going to have a hot, hot Christmas...

    The weather outside might be frightful—
    but the Cole sisters are indulging in
    something quite delightful...

    Rita Mae Cole and Tyler Ramsey hail from feuding
    families. Be together? Impossible. But the incredible
    sex between them says otherwise....

    After the huge success of my last contest where I gave away a pile of signed books, I'm doing it all again in my latest website contest. The question is really easy. Other than English, please name three languages in which my books are available. You might just find the answer on this page of my website. I'll choose TWO winners at random and those lucky entrants will receive signed copies of:

    MY RECKLESS SURRENDER by Anna Campbell
    DARK AND DEADLY by Jeanne Adams
    THE WICKED MARQUIS by Miranda Neville
    PROOF BY SEDUCTION by Courtney Milan
    Either WHAT HAPPENS IN LONDON or THE DUKE AND I by Julia Quinn

    Good luck! The contest closes 30th November, 2010. Email your answers to For more information, please visit my contest page.Source URL:
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Terror Plot Thwarted

    Washington DC. Oct 31, 2010. When Tim Geitner got to work on preparing the 2011 Federal Budget (which was due over a month ago) he noticed that the Treasury Department was dangerously low on red toner needed for the project.

    He ordered 12 red toner cartridges from the lowest cost vendor, Achmed's Toner For Less, a Federally certified minority vendor headquartered in Yemen. Achmed's is a well known and reliable vendor that is often used by this administration.

    However, you can imagine his shock and surprise when Mr. Geitner heard that the shippment was being held by postal inspectors when a bomb sniffing dog began howling and pointing to the package at the DC Central Postal Depot.

    And to further compound the problem two of the twelve packages had been redirected to various Synagogues in the Chicago area.

    After analysis by the FBI Crime Lab, preliminary tests indicated the packages contained the powerful industrial explosive PETN, the same chemical used in the Christmas attack, U.S. officials said. The tests had not been confirmed.

    President Barack Obama called the coordinated pre-election attacks a "credible terrorist threat," and U.S. officials said they were increasingly confident that al-Qaida's Yemen branch, the group responsible for the failed Detroit airliner bombing last Christmas, was responsible.

    Mohammed Farouk Ridahl, spokesman for Achmed's Toner for Less told this reporter "We know nothing about this. Obviously these packages have been tampered with by Jews who are trying to make us look bad, and trying to make us lose a valuable customer. Achmed's has never had a problem like this before, so it seems very suspicious to us."Source URL:
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TOTUS Down For Maintenance! Vice TOTUS Takes Over!

    Washington DC, Oct 31, 2010. The Teleprompter of the USA (TOTUS) is going down for routine maintenance work next Wednesday, immediately following the Congressional elections on Tuesday.

    Since President Obama cannot communicate without the TOTUS, the Vice TOTUS has been sworn in to provide continuity of government.

    The Vice TOTUS is a Mirror Image SP-220 Pro Speech Series Teleprompter with 20" LCD Monitor, that costs around $5,500. This model is known for reliability but has had problems with occasionally saying some very stupid things. 
    Most people don't realize that it was the Vice TOTUS and not the TOTUS who prompted President Obama to make the claim that the USA "has 57 states."  That incident occurred during the 2008 election campaign, when the President Obama's primary teleprompter, also a Mirror Image SP-220, was taking a much deserved vacation.

    The Vice TOTUS is an older model that he purchased from Joe Biden, that is known to have several known "lapse in judgement" bugs in it. In fact this was the machine that coined the "Finally, we have an African-American who is bright articulate and clean" statement that Joe Biden had to apologize for.Source URL:
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More metal from around the world

    Another Purgatory with a female vocalist - this time from Thailand

    From Sri Lanka - Funeral in Heaven

    And Funeral in Heaven talking about the Metal scene in Kandy

    Rather softer and more commercial is Arbovirus from BangladeshSource URL:
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Who says vegans have to be fluffy?

    Nothing to do with Halloween, this post. While my taste in metal is rooted in the NWOBHM of thirty years ago I have a soft spot for Arch Enemy. When I first heard this song I had no idea it was a female vocalist - until I saw the official video on a cable music channel.Source URL:
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Bela Lugosi's Dead

Saturday, October 30, 2010

It's Spooooooktacular!!!!

    by Jeanne Adams, AKA The Halloween Maven

    Let me start by saying those immortal not THOSE words...these words:


    There, now that we have that out of the way, I want to talk about pumpkins.

    And Witches.

    Not more, you ask? Not warlocks, or mad scientists, or rubber-masked villains or superheroes?

    Nope. Pumpkins and Witches.

    Before I begin, however, I will be making a large disclaimer, note of excusement, proviso, etc. which says, in large letters: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL BLOG post, nor should it be construed as such.

    Ahem. Now that we have that out of the way....

    A recent comment by a candidate which went something like this (I'm paraphrasing): "I'm not a witch, I'm just like you"

    This actually made me laugh out loud. Really. Right there in my living room, I was having a snork-fest.

    The woman in the ad is wearing a twin-set and pearls, is gently coiffed and well groomed. The only thing she apparently has in common with any witch I know is that she's wearing black. But a lot of people wear black and look quite good in it. Doesn't make them a witch.

    So, I laughed. I'm sure many people did because she's not what most people think when they think "witch" - seriously, do you immediatly think sweater-set and pearls, when someone says, "She's such a witch!"?

    Hollywood portrays witches as both good and bad - its actually very even handed these days - in movies like Practical Magic (good witches, fabulous love story), Hocus Pocus (bad witches, engaging story), Bewitched (good witch, bad movie, great tv show), and The Witches of Eastwick (good witches, bad warlock).

    Seriously, you wouldn't ever think of Sandra Bullock as a traditional Bad Witch. Sandra? REALLY? Nope. The image just won't form.

    Cher was pretty cool as a witch too, in Witches of Eastwick, as were Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer.

    Buffy, while technically not a witch, had one as a friend and hey, every Slayer needs a witch-y pal, right?

    I've met many a witch, and you and I could meet one every day for a year and never find one who was haggle-haired, snaggle-toothed, muttering or otherwise behaving in typically wicked-witchy fashion. Most of them don't even like pointy black hats, or cooking in cast iron pots. Nor do they have an odd penchant for brooms for that matter. While even witches can have the occasional cranky day, most real, modern witches only mutter darkly whilst in the grocery store as they try to remember that third item on their list. They may cook in cast iron if they're Southern and like cornbread, or they may even wear a pointy hat, for Halloween.

    Just a note on the hat thing? Those things give you a wicked case of hat-head, and they are SO 13th century, you know? Snork.

    However, the point is, Witches, like pumpkins, come in all shapes and sizes.

    There are anime witches, pin-up witches, old witches, young witches, running witches, cooking witches, witches who like cats, and witches who are deathly allergic to them. There are thin witches, fat witches, and witches who need dialysis, chemotherapy, or their daily dose of insulin.

    It occurred to me as I was drafting this blog that except for the medical stuff and the allergies, you could substitute the word "Pumpkin" in there and get the same result. Pumpkins, like people (and witches) come in all shapes and sizes. Big, little, tall, thing, skinny, fat, and every shade of orange, white, green and reddish brown you can imagine. They still have seeds, they still have slimey guts, and through and through, no matter how they look or what their color, they're pumpkins, people and witches.

    I think it's a DNA thing. If you need further clarification, we can call in the mad scientists. Snork.

    That said, it has amazed me to see the sheer artistry of the pumpkin carvers today. From the simple to the masterfully complex, pumpkin carving has been elevated to an artform. There are gruesome pumpkins, Obama pumpkins, puking pumkins, haunting pumpkins, happy pumpkins and pumpkins that appear to be suffering from post-traumatic-carving symptoms.

    Now why, you ask, would this occur to me now? Why would I juxtapose all this nonsense in my fevered, writer's brain??

    Blame Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.


    Their rally was this weekend here in DC and several friends went to it, and the news made great fun with it. One photo showed a woman with a sign that said "Keep Your Laws Off My Cauldron" Another was carrying a carved pumpkin head and a sign that said "Zombies for Colbert, Keep Fear Alive."

    Still another said, "My Witch is Bigger."

    Not sure if that last one was meant to be a compliment, a warning, or some kind of personal statement, but the drawing was very cool. Ha!

    Now I know that you're wondering if I overspiked the Halloween punch - totally possible, btw - to bring all this together to be comparing pumpkins, witches, Snoopy, and the First Amendment (which guarantees Freedom of Religion and the press), but that's John Stewart for you. (For those of you outside the US, who have no idea who these people are, they're comedians and they staged a rally in Washington to "Restore Sanity" - Jon Stewart; and to "Return to Fear" - Stephen Colbert. It turned up a massive attendance.)

    Everything's all mashed up and somehow, even Charlie Brown and witchcraft are part of the political agenda. It's very Comedy Central, don't you think?

    Me, personally, I VOTE FOR Pumpkins. I think we should all buy them, carve them, cook them into pies, cakes, cookies, rolls, jam and otherwise generally enjoy the heck out of the big orange/green/white fruits that they are.

    (Yes, they really ARE fruits because they have seeds.) Grins.

    As for witches, I think we should respect them, just like we respect all our neighbors, whether they be tall, thin, fat, short, green, pink, purple, or even orange. And several of my neighbors were all of those colors at my Halloween party this weekend.

    And, in the immortal words of three fabulously Hollywood Witches, I'll wrap this Halloween craziness up:

    "My darling girl, when are you going to understand that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of Courage." - Aunt Frances (Stockard Channing), Practical Magic

    "There's a little Witch in Every Woman..." - Aunt Jet (Dianne Wiest), Practical Magic

    "AMOK! AMOK! AMOK!" - Sarah Sanderson (Sarah Jessica Parker), Hocus Pocus

    So, Have you seen any of the witchy movies I mentioned? Do you have a favorite?

    Did you carve pumpkins this year? Happy or sad, scary or gruesome?

    How many pumpkins did you carve? I did seven this year....

    Did you go to the Colbert/Stewart march? If you lived closer, would you have gone? Did you see it on the news?

    Are you afraid of Zombies? Grins.

    (Had to see if you were still awake....)

    Happy Halloweeeeeeen! Let me know if you're going trick-or-treating too...Source URL:
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    See if you can identify Michelle Obama in the photo below. This quiz is especially difficult because you cannot see their faces in the photo.
    One of these three ladies is Michelle Obama, First Lady of the USA.
    One of these three ladies is Princess Letizia of Spain,
    And one is Carla Bruni, First Lady of France.

    Which one is Michelle Obama? 
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Democrats Throw Lavish Haloween Fundraiser Celebrating Anticipated Victory

    Speaker Pelosi D-CA
    Washington DC. Oct 31, 2010. All the Democrat Party stars turned out tonight for a gala fundraising costume ball celebrating their anticipated victory in Tuesday's congressional elections.

    The Democrat leaders all came in costume for the event, and were surprisingly good spirits in light of recent poll numbers for the election.

    moment when Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi realized they were both wearing the same costume, but tempers eased once and aide told Clinton that Pelosi had forgotten to get a costume for the event, and was just wearing her normal attire.
    Rep Barney Frank D-MA
    Sec. of State Clinton D-NY
    President Obama D-Kenya
    Senate Majority Leader Reid wore a very convincing Chewbaca costume, portraying a Star Wars character. Congressman Barney Frank came dressed as legendary singer Kate Smith, and even sang his own version of God Bless America to the delight of everyone in attendance.  
    President Obama came wearing a "Joker" costume from the Batman comic book, television series, and films.
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An apocryphal tale for Halloween

    From the About Urban Legends newsletter. Utter pish of course but still funny!

    Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

    The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the jail.

    Lawrence went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

    In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice the Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."

    Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? it midnight already?"

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The sacred heart chicken nugget simulacrum

Barney Frank Introduces Bill for Gays In the Millinery

    Frank modeling one of his designs
    Boston MA Oct. 30, 2010. Congressman Barney Frank D-MA, has introduced a bill in the House of Representatives to permit gays in the millinery industry.

    While there is no formal ban on allowing gay people to work in the hat making industry, Congressman Franks says this bill will be needed to encourage more gay people to enter this profession.

    "I noticed that very few hat designers were gay" Congressman Frank told us. "And this seemed pretty queer to me, since almost 100% of all fashion designers are gay people, so I thought we needed new legislation to remedy this situation."

    Frank's bill, H.R. 1411 would provide grant money from the Federal Stimulus Fund for any gay person who wanted to start a hat making business. "These will be interest free loans that will be forgiven once the business hires at least three other gay people." Frank told us. "This will accomplish two main goals. It will create new jobs while also getting more gay people into this vital industry."

    Hats were always a big part of gay culture
    A federal subsidy of $900 per hat should guarantee that these new businesses will be successful.  The bill caps total stimulus funds for the project at $1.2 Billion, which Frank calls "a small price to pay."

    "It's really shocking when you see how many hats are imported," Frank went on to say. "This is one industry we need to bring back to America."

    Congressman Frank's bill has the full backing of President Obama and House Speaker Pelosi and is expected to become law without any debate on the floor of the House. "We will introduce the bill at 9 AM on Sunday, when most Republican law makers are busy at church," Pelosi told the Spin Cycle.
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Duchess of Cornwall unhurt by kitten

    catsA few days ago the Telegraph ran a story with the headline Duchess of Cornwall Mauled by Kitten. Okay the mauled was in inverted commas but still I thought I would read of some hideous injury meted out by a spitting bundle of feline aggression

    Sadly it appears that all that happened was Lucy, an eight-week-old tabby, dug its claws into Camilla's jacket and refused to let go.

    The incident took place during a visit to the Battersea Dog’s Home.
    When the royal walked into a socialising area for the cats and saw four kittens she said ''Ah sweet, is this the whole family here?'' and began mothering them and picked them up.

    The playful kitten was held against the Duchess' chest then began disappearing behind her neck and as Camilla tried to prise Lucy free she dug her claws in prompting the royal to say ''I think she's attached to my collar''.

    Gah! No screams and not a drop of blood to be had. Damn I feel cheated! Ah well If a cat can look at a king it can surely stick its claws into a duchess!Source URL:
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CNN Launches "CNN Newshotties"

    Atlanta GA, Oct. 30, 2010. After many years of taking a back seat to FoxNews, CNN is finally fighting back!

    The Cable News Network (CNN) will launch their own version of Fox's News Babes starting Jan. 1, 2011. And they have recruited some of the heaviest hitters in TV news casting to fill out their bench.

    CNN will load up on sexy and sultry news casting babes to tip the scales back in their favor.

    The CNN NewsNewshotties will feature some very talented and popular media stars. The initial group will be comprised of Whoopi Goldberg, Lynne Stewart, Rosie O'Donnel,. Andrea Dworkin, Janet Nepalitano, Helen Thomas, Sonia Sotomayer and Janet Reno.

    Negotiations are still underway to get Barbra Streisand and Chelsea Clinton for the new team, and "money is no object" according to CNN  Director of Programming Janelle Rodriguez. Superstar Chistianne Amanpour is scheduled to join the team in the early spring after she completes her current assignment.

    It was no small feat coaxing leftwing media superstar Helen Thomas out of retirement for this gig.

    Ms. Thomas, who is widely regarded as the most attractive liberal woman in the media today, will anchor the group, and draw in millions of new viewers.

    CNN wanted to cover all the bases with this move, so they made sure they signed up Rosie O'Donnell to lure in lesbian, gay and transgender viewers.

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